I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
