It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
God gave him joint rollers for hands
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
