i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
