I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
