I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I want a musical about memes.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
