I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
