Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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