At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
