So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
