first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize