Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize