HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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