well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
