You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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