You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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