i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
