I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
this will be a night to untag.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
