I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
