ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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