He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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