i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
All the doctor said was why
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
