its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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