one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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