I seem to have left my pride at pride
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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