why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
