he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
