I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize