My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
