if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
