Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
