If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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