Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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