I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
