I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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