Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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