I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
