Your face is a jimmy john
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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