I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
