If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
