apparently the secret to your success is patron
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
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