There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
