i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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