New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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