I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
