i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
