You really coming over, don't trick.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I smell like Dick and happiness
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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