Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
