I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
In other news, I just burned my penis
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize