So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
