apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
this just has baby written all over it
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
