i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
