You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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