why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
