I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
