Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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