Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
party gras won. party gras always wins.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
