Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
