***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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