We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Enjoy the penises
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
