I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
