the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
