I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
