pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
