I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
