Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
