Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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