so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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