Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
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